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They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses, and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Whatever you do dont make it go viral! "I think people shouldbe allowed to do what they want. A cookie set by YouTube to measure bandwidth that determines whether the user gets the new or old player interface. When you see the documentary, you'll see this, but the evolution of Carlin wasn't just . ""Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ", 92. "I was a loner as a child. He was a regular on the "Ed Sullivan Show," but in the 1970s he became much better known for his irreverent . "Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. And they own all the big media companies, so that they control just about all of the news and information you hear. It doesn't matter what side you're on. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. Change). The challenge is to find it. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. Next, honor thy father and mother. ", 97. Casale Media sets this cookie to collect information on user behavior, for targeted advertising. ", 67. George Carlin quotes and jokes about politics and religion "Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. Its called dick fear! Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. In 1972, he was arrested for violating obscenity laws after his infamous comedy sketch, 7 Words You Can Never Say On Television. This is what we have to offer. Full transcript of George Carlin's "Dumb Americans," excerpted from "Life is Worth Losing, his 13th live comedy stand-up special, performed at the Beacon Theatre in New York City for HBO. 3. Your culture and entertainment cheat-sheet. Save the planet; we dont even know how to take care of ourselves yet. "Some people see the glass half full. I think I was probably a cowboy in a past life. Carlins truth-telling about the influence of corporations in America and the willful blindness that allowed someone like Trump to assume power. I say: 'No no no,' because that really would be the kiss of death," Carlin said in his final interview before his death in 2008. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. Say what you want about America land of the free, home of the brave we got some dumb**s motherf**kers floating around in this country, Carlin says over the images. Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". 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Thell get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fuckin place. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. It will not be with jack-boots. I don't trust none of them. Ice Cube visits the "Sway in the Morning" show with Sway Calloway on Shade 45 at SiriusXM Studios on December 07, 2018, in New York City. The _omappvs cookie, used in conjunction with the _omappvp cookies, is used to determine if the visitor has visited the website before, or if it is a new visitor. "We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? Carlin was a New York City-based stand-up comedian, social critic, writer, and actor, best known for his unconventional and vulgar comedy routines. Ice Cube and his political affiliations have been in the spotlight ever since White House senior advisor Katrina Pierson publicly thanked the Friday actor for his help in developing the "Platinum Plan" with Trump officials. "Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. ", 68. Everybody says they suck. And nobody seems to notice. Issued by Microsoft's ASP.NET Application, this cookie stores session data during a user's website visit. They dont want to hear from you. Doesnt give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. This cookie is used as a unique identifier for the BlueConic profile. Facebook sets this cookie to show relevant advertisements to users by tracking user behaviour across the web, on sites that have Facebook pixel or Facebook social plugin. ", 107. ", 8. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. On July 26, a 2-minute video created by Pattern Integrity Films was published on YouTube, and it quickly took off via social media. This cookie store anonymous user idnetifier to determine whether a visitor had visited before, or if its a new visit. YouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video. Try spelling Evian backward. Keep your circle small. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZijLQGH1v0 No, wait, hold on . It gloriously backfired, Dictionary.com just added several new LGBTQ+ words & also grundle, Love, drugs & the club: As a gay man, life looks different with a new disability, Kim Petras says the road to fame while trans was twice as long, School bans parents as a threat to kids over LGBTQ-affirming posts, Sam Smith is trending on Twitter and the discourse is truly Unholy. "I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. "Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bulls**t they teach you in school. This cookie is used to track the behavior of a user within the current session. "We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. "A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: It's call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.". ", 27. They dont give a fuck about you. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' George Carlin Believe, Government, Rules To Live By 48 Copy quote Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. The dmvk cookie is set by Dailymotion to record data of visitor behaviour on the website. Carlin did this better than anyone else. ", 34. "How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. ", 40. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. You have no choice. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever til the end of time! They are irrelevant. May 12, 1937 June 22, 2008. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin, The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I'm your huckleberry. ", 6. George Carlin. ", 14. It will be Nike sneakers and smiley shirts George Carlin, I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. George Carlin, I dont like ass kissers, flag wavers, or team players. "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. They should be more vivid. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? Going after racists, sexists, fascists, and aiming to bring those who try to restrict freedom to justice. "I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. The cookie, set by Krux Digital, registers a unique ID that identifies a returning user's device. Fascism won it. ", 8. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. Photo: Matthias Clamer (modified by author) Source: Getty Images One-liner jokes. "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. But this week, his voice has brought to life a new anti-Trump video called America Wake Up, created by a. ", 26. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.". This narrative is based on a deliberate fiction. They don't care about you at all -- at all -- at all. Enter your email address below then click "FOLLOW" to receive email notifications of new posts. "My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. Now one of his most famous routines has swept the internet a dozen years after his death. ", 94. 41. "Governments don't want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. They've got the judges in their back pockets. You have no choice. That's about as close as you could get to pegging him as any party affiliation. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. I had an imaginary friend. We havent tried that for a while. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. . 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. They own everything," the quote reads. This cookie is used by PwC to track individual visitors and their use of site. I think I need to show them that I have brought myself to a cleverer, smarter spot than they have.". Forget the politicians. Then youre just what theyre looking for. Chartbeat sets this cookie to store information about when a visitor has visited the site before. This cookie is set by Segment to track visitor usage and events within the website. ", 79. Used to help protect the website against Cross-Site Request Forgery attacks. Weve added years to life, not life to years. 'He's two' will do just fine. You'd have people tuning in don't even care about football! They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? George Carlin. After that, they dont wanna know about you. Carlin's rueful 1996 routine about conservatives' opposition to abortion ("they will do anything for the unborn, but once you're born, you're on your own") became a newly viral phenomenon and. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). If youre offended by foul language dont watch this f**king video. The demdex cookie, set under the domain demdex.net, is used by Adobe Audience Manager to help identify a unique visitor across domains. Carlin also said conservatives claim theyll do anything for the unborn. They own and control the corporations. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.' '", 93. ", 62. "People are wonderful one at a time. "Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. But dont participate; it will be your death. If youre preborn, youre fine; if youre preschool, youre fucked. "Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers? By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. "People always tell me 'Have a nice day.' This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. Thats all it is. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. ", 56. Ice Cube may be engaging in a political kerfuffle with Democrats following the news of his latest partnership with President Donald Trump's administration for the "Platinum Plan," but the rapper and actor is keen on letting his fans and followers know that he is not necessarily banding together with the government, despite what the past week of headlines might suggest. "I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to. Am I right? And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. He loves you, and He needs money! Simple thing. I took his shoes. RIP George Carlin. ", 5. "What if there were no hypothetical questions? These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. Then you live in an old age home. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. ", 47. Everything He ever makes dies. -26 1amathrowaway 1 yr. ago This cookie is used for storing country code selected from country selector. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. Elect me. Put the blame where it belongs: on the people. This cookie is set by Prebid Server. '", 78. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Weve learned how to make aliving, but not alife. ", 20. - Gin Wigmore. He was as prolific as he was profound, with a career spanning nearly five decades, 23 albums, 14 HBO specials, 130 Tonight Show appearances and three books (plus posthumous releases). Teach them to question everything. It takes up a lot of your time. "My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. This cookie is used for embedding The Guardian video player. "By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. And apparently, I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. "In America, anyone can become president. "Everyone smiles in the same language. This is the best we can do folks. ""Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. After that, they dont want to know about you. "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. This cookie is set by pippio to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. ", 84. Deal with it. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. ' Avoid teams at all costs. ", 32. Owned by agkn, this cookie is used for targeting and advertising purposes. "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. ", 4. 02. By the way, its the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. Its a subconscious need to project the penis into other peoples affairs. "If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? Lijit Advertising Platform sets this cookie temporarily, when multiple partners pass their IDs to the platform simultaneously. So I don't trust none of them. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. "It's never just a game when you're winning. That's against their interests. They should be giving their money to you. (LogOut/ Whats that, a bonus? ", 42. ", 112. You throw out the first three commandments, wssst! "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. "Dont just teach your children to read. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. You have owners. '", 70. "I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the s**t out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. [] I look at war a little bit differently. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. George Carlin, Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, If there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that hes at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesnt give a shit. Cookie associated with embedding content from Snapchat. They dont care about you at all. You caused the problem. Laugh until you gasp for breath. '""The difference between left and right of centeroriginated in the Frenchparliament. ", 89. Thats right. When you leave them in the morning they stick their noses in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you return eight hours later. A cat . ", 87. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. And nobody seems to notice. Its you. Answer (1 of 16): He hated mostly all politicians. Change), You are commenting using your Facebook account. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. Like the public. "Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. AddThis sets this cookie to track page visits, sources of traffic and share counts. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. ", 15. Thats what the owners count on. AddThis sets this geolocation cookie to help understand the location of users who share the information. He died in 2008, the week after he had been named the recipient of the Mark Twain Prize . ""Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. "I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. I don't always agree with everything he says, but I always listen Given the nature of our current Administration, I thought it timely to revisit what George said years ago (Back In Town HBO Special, 1996 . He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. ", 33. Recorded on November 5, 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New York. And Bushis pushing this country farther down the hill, faster than anyone has before. Known for his lack of patience for bullshit, the comedian regularly skewered all politicians, the election of Donald Trump as president. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. Well what if I don't want to? The game is rigged. The cookie is used to store and identify a users' unique session ID for the purpose of managing user session on the website. You dont. They will do anything for the unborn. - Doc Holliday. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. And generally speaking, people onthe right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. . At all. The domain of this cookie is owned by Nielsen. And complaining about the politicians. And if somehow, you must join, if its unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. Google DoubleClick IDE cookies are used to store information about how the user uses the website to present them with relevant ads and according to the user profile. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. Carlin is funny as hell. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. 4. They want your fuckin retirement money. I mean, life is tough. "When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. They own all the important land. This is the best we can do, folks. This cookie is associated with Yahoo Search Analytics and is used for advertising purposes. AA: George Carlin can say some outrageous things -- years ago the US Supreme Court found his "seven filthy words" monolgue "indecent." RS: But when he stopped at the National Press Club in. Quantserve sets the mc cookie to anonymously track user behaviour on the website. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. If you can't beat someone, arrange to have beaten him. The 2023 theme was "cooperation in a fragmented world," with WEF noting, "The world today is at a critical inflection point. "Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? "There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. ", 52. Bluekai uses this cookie to build an anonymous user profile with data like the user's online behaviour and interests. ", 59. They dont want people who are smart enough to sit around a kitchen table and think about how badly theyre getting fucked by a system that threw them overboard 30 fuckin years ago. Everybody complains about politicians. You dont. ", 58. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. "But what I want them to know is that Im thinking. "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. After that, they don't wanna know about you. '", 123. "I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. Good honest hard-working people white collar, blue collar, it doesnt matter what color shirt you have on. Amen and Awomen. ", 18. "How can [God] be perfect? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Board Messages . This cookie is set by Segment to help track visitor usage, events, target marketing, and also measure application performance and stability. "Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Germany lost the Second World War. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Obedience, respect for authority. NID cookie, set by Google, is used for advertising purposes; to limit the number of times the user sees an ad, to mute unwanted ads, and to measure the effectiveness of ads. ", 45. However, Ice Cube has endorsed neither Trump nor his Democratic rival, former Vice President Joe Biden. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Known for his lack of patience for bullshit, the comedian regularly skewered all politicians, the election of Donald Trump as president would have particularly peeved him. With his daring satirical jokes, his words will make you laugh and make you think profoundly about everything you experience. Carlin had 14 comedy specials, several published books and CDs, 5 Grammy awards, many TV and movie roles, and the title of being the first-ever host of Saturday Night Live, all under his belt.