-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Nun breathes a sigh of relief and goes, "Oh Thank God, I thought you said Protestant!". I'm Jewish" A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. Exclaims the priest. I knew I would find these at least slightly funny, but I found myself laughing out loud much more than I expected! "Swear it here and now or there'll be trouble!" "No buts," said the Pope. asks the priest. Pimples wait until puberty to come on your face. He got to the part of the Easter story where Jesus said, "And one of you shall betray Me." Wild Tales (dir. Little Johnny answers saying, "Each morning that my Father is late to work, he pounds on the bathroom door saying, 'JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?". Chief: Who's more important than the president? 'Come with me,' said St. Peter to the taxi driver. "Oh, well, I guess that makes sense. 19. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. I'm telling everybody . A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar. At Marias funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, At last, theyre finally together. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. Little Timmy says, "I can feel Jesus' presence during Mass." I was second to nun.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_14',663,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0'); A Catholic priest, a Baptist preacher, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. Copyright A.D. 33. After many long years of faithful companionship, the dog finally died, so Muldoon went to the parish priest: [i]-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief. Score: 12. The priest said, "Well, I admit that certainly wasn't the most noble thing to do, charging the man to save his life -- but you did save his life, after all, and that is a good thing. Here are ten Catholic Jokes that are sure to give you a chuckle!SOCIAL MEDIA:\rBlog: https://goo.gl/QuB4ra\rFacebook: https://goo.gl/UoeKWy\rTwitter: https://goo.gl/oQs6ck\rInstagram: https://goo.gl/ShMbhH\rPodcast: https://goo.gl/xqkssG\r\rINTERESTED IN BECOMING A FRIAR?\rHoly Name Province: https://goo.gl/MXKb2R\rFind your Vocation Director: https://goo.gl/2Jc52z\r\rSUPPORT THE MISSION\rOrder my books: https://amzn.to/386QDpR\rDonate Monthly: https://goo.gl/UrrwNC\rOne-time gifts: https://goo.gl/eKnFJN\r\rMUSIC\rEpidemicsound.com -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Catholic Telegraph is the official newspaper of the Archdiocese of Cincinnati. Scan this QR code to download the app now. I'm atheist," the tourist says awkwardly. Violets are blue. It was obvious that the crowd was preparing to stone her, so Jesus made His now-famous statement, "Let the person who has no sin cast the first stone." Why shouldn't you fall in love with a confectioner? Why are you telling me? .css-tadcwa:hover{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;}Daniel Esparza - @media screen and (max-width: 767px){.css-1xovt06 .date-separator{display:none;}.css-1xovt06 .date-updated{display:block;width:100%;}}published on 02/23/18. "Then that dirty dog Judas Iscariot slowww-ly rises to his feet. As the baker is working, the boy yells out, "My momma says there was a fly in the raisin bread.". OH, COME ON!, St. Peter shouted, It took me three months to find a priest up here! "You call yourself the 'God particle.' 12. 'What's wrong?' While walking away, the two friends become engaged in a debate about whether the offer is meant seriously. The Chilean mining company gets its miners stuck in a shaft. Continue with Recommended Cookies. "Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. "Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school." 167. Allow Necessary Cookies & Continue Need a laugh? "Ahh, but which one don't you believe in? By After the Baptism of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. "Child's play", he said. TOR are Franciscans. 11. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?' O.P. A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one was looking. These are the one every dad needs to have on hand. The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Doberman Jesus." A priest, a minister and a rabbi are discussing when life begins. Let me go find out,' and he left. He tops his shot and it goes screaming along the ground toward the lake. A sense of humor is a gift from God. "There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!" The priest shakes his head. Hit The Slopes and Jokes - 28 Cartoons about Skiing. "Why shouldn't I?" Here are 10 Catholics jokes He said, "I'm stuck on you!". A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly across the street from a house of prostitution. I said, "Die, heretic!" Here is the correct version: The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the popes authority. "I said I want to be a prostitute," Suzy repeats. He had wonderful, innovative ideas - that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation. Here is another one: Out of curiosity, who cooked what?" Roman Catholic funny cartoons from CartoonStock directory . I said, "Me too! The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing, boy. Hold on! "What are you doing?!" It's easy! Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com. Are you Catholic or are you Protestant?" The rabbi says, You are both wrong, Life begins when the kids move out of the house and the dog dies., What Everyone is REALLY Thinking in the Cry Room, Laugh Your Way to Holiness with Catholic Card Game. Have you ever actually tried it?" And - Father John - it was a really good idea to have the confessional open 24 hours a day - for those who work "shift" work. GuardianoftheSacraments, I hope this made your day lighter and brought some comedy into your day. His friend replied, "Because you asked if you could smoke while you prayed, and I asked if I could pray while I smoked!" As a non-catholic, all I know about Lent is it's another chance to start up that New Year's resolution you already quit on. Below are 7 jokes that poke fun at Southern Baptists, other Christian denominations and faith traditions. Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. ", But in the hopes of learning more about charity. "What a shameful disgrace, those Protestant reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!" Jesus then turns looks up to the heavens and says, "Dad, I can do this on my own, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!" I hope these jokes were helpful and brought lots of laughs. Everybody loves a good laugh. "um" the priest stumbled "in my youth, once or twice" The rabbi again asked, "And then?" The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. Catholic (term): The word Catholic (usually written with uppercase C in English when referring to religious matters; derived via Late Latin catholicus, from the Greek adjective . Who is higher than the Pope? 56. One man in the crowd then yelled, Yes, but is it the Catholic God you dont believe in or the Protestant one?. Facebook Twitter Pinterest WhatsApp. He knew that dying for the Christian faith would pave the way to his eternal reward and . A priest dies and finds himself at the pearly gates with St. Peter. There is a huge 200-room castle on one of the mountains, and a wishing well that makes wishes come true. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Damian Szifron) Argentine writer-director Damian Szifron has a darkly hilarious confection in . -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I've got 17 wives. Jesus, Moses and St. Peter were out playing golf. The rabbi looks the boy over and says to the priest, "out of what?". The nun teaching the class asks, "Where do you sense Jesus in your life?" Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one.". Priest: Do you believe in the resurrection of the body andlife everlasting? "Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says. "Protestant." Continue with Recommended Cookies, if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-box-3','ezslot_4',170,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-box-3-0');Nun of these Catholic jokes and puns are duds that will make you cross! Because they'll dessert you. The priests says, "It begins at conception". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face said, "Don't sell that cow. Laughter unites us. He invents the greatest meat in the world, then bans His chosen people from eating it. Catholic Christianity offers the world the fullness of the Christian Faith. You believe you are supposed to take a covered dish to heaven when you die. There's certainly nothing more Catholic than guilt! he asked. Yes, but is it the Catholic god you don't believe in or the Protestant one? Think of the Blessed Virgin" The priest, exasperated, cried "What else could I become? Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" 8. Catholic Jokes - Try These One-Liners at Church! Frantically, he looked all around. The second replied, "Well, they were both founded by Spaniards -- St. Dominic for the Dominicans, and St. Ignatius of Loyola for the Jesuits. God is watching the apples. "When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Again he said "leave me alone, god will save me. Jesus looks over and says, "I really hate it when you do that, Mom." Are you a Christian or a Jew?" Manage Settings These are quite funny, thank you for sharing them. The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. Catholicism is hierarchical in that one person, the pope, is supreme head over the universal Church. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. The Catholic said mine is powerful, the Buddhist said, no, mine is powerful. Read more: So, a Catholic walks into a bar during Lent. For instance, it is said that when a journalist asked Blessed John XXIII (pope from 1958 to 1963) how many people work in the Vatican, the pope paused, thought for a bit and replied, About half of them.. He loves a good brew (NO IPAs! [/quote] He just knew there was something fishy about it. " The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. This is done by the chip monks. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mar 29, 2018 - "God has given me cause to laugh, and all who hear of it will laugh with me." Genesis 21:6. St. Peter: Who? When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.' Priest: Do you hereby indemnify and hold harmless the Catholic church for any sexual misconduct to you and your family for ever and ever amen? Lent.'. All Rights Reserved. "Father, my dear old dog is dead. He said, "I lava you so much!". Third old man says, my son is the Pope, when he walks into a room people say Your Holiness." Finally desperate, the father goes to the Rabbi for advice and the Rabbi says put him in the Catholic school. 10 Hilarious Catholic Jokes - Breaking In The Habit. St. Peter walks away through Heavens Gate to talk with God. The Jesuit asked, "What's a novena?" So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back. Are you Baptist Church or God or Reformed Baptist Church of God" Religious Jokes. Sit down now and dunna fret yourself. The priest turns to the rabbi and says, "Let's go over there and screw that boy!" Man: I'm Jewish He asked the parrot: The Jezzie said he wanted to teach at the world's most famous university, and poof, he was gone! You're not helping matters at all. St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth.". Thanks for this. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didnt work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together. The Cardinal says OK. "Simple!" Are you Christian or Jewish?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ratzinger responds He in Salt Lake City. 17 reviews of St. Anne Catholic Community "So I practically live at St. Anne's, between teaching Catechism, being Spiritual Chair for the Young Adults group, and several other ministries. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I swear it." "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. Little Johnny, with his hand waving eagerly in the air, is finally called on. "I said I want to be a prostitute," Suzy repeats. A Jewish couple has a son who is a holy terror. A nun at a Catholic school asked her students what they want to be when they grow up. The Jesuit walked up to Joseph, put his arm around his shoulder, and said, So, have you thought about where to send him to school?, A priest, a minister and a rabbi are discussing when life begins. The Mormon speaks up and deadpans. Moses takes his club, wields it like a staff, raises his arms and miraculously the waters part, the ball runs through and up onto the green. The priest replied, "I mean her legs. . Me: I do. These are the one every dad needs to have on hand. from Holy Apostles College & Seminary and an M.Phil from CUA. Feel free to check out www.mattvandervennet.bandcamp.com. So have YOU ever?" Not much later a third man, a Catholic priest, was seen lurking about the house, looking around to see if anyone was watching, then quietly sneaked in. They decided to take a break for lunch together. Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. Jesus just sighed. Just become a Catholic priest and get them now. Papa they mean business! I have seventeen wives. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Others were so-so thanks for the good laugh though! My email is brenda195077@gmail.com. Love24. by Javier Moreno. How long have you had arthritis?, The drunk man answered, Oh I dont have it, Father. Can You Match These Saints to Their Weird Patronages? What do you call a pope who is addicted to cats?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_15',664,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are. The first old man said, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room people say Father." 45 Funny Christian Jokes. As Catholics, having a sense of humor is part of being Christian. 22 Funny Catholic Jokes & Puns | LaffGaff, Home Of Laughter. Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?" Get a great laugh with these religious jokes. Father Patrick: "Why didn't you tell me your wee dog was Catholic?!" The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. On his first report card, his parents are shocked to see their son getting straight As. Need a laugh? the particle responds. Which would you like to hear first? Would you please let me?" On September 11, 1974, when Colbert was ten years old, his father and his two brothers nearest in age, Peter and Paul, died in the crash of Eastern Air Lines Flight 212 while it was attempting to . /r/Catholicism is a place to present new developments in the world of Catholicism, discuss theological teachings of the Catholic Church, provide an avenue for reasonable dialogue amongst people of all beliefs, and grow in our own spirituality.