I lost my mother to suicide when my youngest was about a year old. So it will all be the same. Im very grateful to TAPS for helping us through this awful journey. Before my niece died, I promised her I would take care of her mom and dad, which was very important to her. Then I had to tell my mother. I begged him and told him I would be right over. [NUMBER REMOVED]. Thank you for reading. So even when its evident that the suicide was not an act of intentional abandonment, it still may feel that way to the people who grieve the death. They concluded they didnt have enough to have her locked up. Its been 7 years and both people I dated after were openly threatened that I still had feelings for the man that left this earth. I miss talking to him and sharing our love for 80s rock and roll. She dropped hints that she needed more help, but nobody really gave it to her. For those who have lost children, please find your way to a support group like Compassionate Friends. I heard him go back to the cabinets. How are we supposed to just keep on moving as life goes on, this grief is too much. The first few days after her death I was a wreck I hate crying and I probably cried for 48 hours straight it was mentally and physically exhausting. Just one chance I need but unfortunately I dont even know if I will ever meet her again or not Plz tell me what to do. Jovanie Serrano, Heather Thorne April 18, 2022 at 11:35 am Reply. Bekah, Im so very sorry for your loss. My husband of 54 years ended his life on December 4, 2017. This. Our son was just 5 weeks old. Im not sure I feel like I really belong in any group of bereaved people. Every time I make up my mind that this is what I must do, my misery always gets the best of me. Tears are healing. There is a terrible rift, emptiness and unspeakable despair left in his place. I am 15 and this is my first time experiencing true loss i do not know how to feel. I am sick to my stomach about losing him and then not even having the chance to help somebody else. It is harder for me to wake up somedays And Im sure it hurts u. I am going to start something to help people in need. I agreed! I have a similar story, If youre interested please dont hesitate to email me efelix83@yahoo.com, Stephanie April 17, 2019 at 8:43 pm Reply. Everyone feels so guilty. I am now the only one living with my 86 yr old father and that is a huge issue with my brother and I as well as my father and his mind and faculties! The only thing I noticed was that he became depressed during the lockdown and was imagining being followed when he took me to hospital, hidden messages in whatsapp texts and newspapers and he became suspicious of everyone. I was not of an age to have any obligations as a result of his death but the heartbreak otherwise was the same. I am a surviving father and husband of two suicides in my family. I didnt really understand the dry distance we maintained. I am really sorry for your loss of your dear Brother I really am. I am so sorry to all of you who have had the tragic loss of a loved one, sincerely! Since then Ive had 6 therapist and been on over 10 different meds. Later in the afternoon she yelled at me and another neighbor that we didnt care about her and when we said that yes we did she apologized but said it didnt matter because shed be dead soon. I am often angry at him for ruining New Years for me, and for abandoning me. I hear that you feel guilty about your friends death, which is normal and okay. He had everything going for him. 3 years prior we lost my father due to medical issues she ran away with him when she was 18 and started a family here in Florida. She had attempted suicide two other times in her life that I know of. I posted this on another article, but it really belongs hereand edited for this space My husband, age 43, killed himself just over a month ago. . I've finally got up the courage to write this all out in a throwaway account. Really hurting.. for no reason.. Like something is trying to tell you that they need you? My brother. I cant imagine how his friends from high school are feeling, nor his PARENTS or family Everybody has been incredibly lovely to me, sent me messages of love, or some of the stupidest condolence messages, food, or came to visit me interstate, but I cant help but feel that what Im going through is pretty unique and I feel incredibly lonely. He could be selfish and demanding. Family have forgotten him, never say his name. Lisa September 9, 2016 at 10:58 pm Reply. Try to live your best life in her honor, thats what I am going to do. I want give you my contact info some how if you ever need to reach out to anyone and have them listen. I had to seek out support from a website specifically catering to Survivors of such loss, though it wasnt a trained therapist or Dr. i love him so much. my best friend killed herself on the 9th april 2017. i dont really have a long story for it, but i havent admitted it outloud or in writing really. he knew he was dying from the alcohol. However, just a few days ago, my friend texts me again to say that she did go to the viewing and met TJs parents and they told her that he had hung himself. With my personal experiences alcohol & drug addiction are being left out of the equation when discussing suicide prevention. I could not have saved my mother nor could you your daughter. I hate that at 16 my daughter has experience such a tremendous loss in such a tragic way. Please keep swimming, just like Dory says just keep swimming swimming swimming, Mike B. August 30, 2021 at 11:22 am Reply. I will always love him and what he did for me and the girls, but I know I will see him again some day , Houston P April 27, 2021 at 7:09 pm Reply. Put off major decisions if you can. After all these years, my fathers death still affects me. Im now in the position of being the mental and physical stability for my family. I feel like a shell of a person just here. I moved him back to our home after his 2nd attempt and also sent him to a rehab centre in KZN. I have barely begun to mourn her as Im so consumed by him. May be sending you a message in the days to come. She and all the others in the comments are in a better place. I stayed in, thinking its just a party, things will be fine, But in the middle of the night.. Or we reconnect and I sweep him up and take him to safety in my home. Or, at least can. Looking back now what I thought was him asking us to help him with her as we did always anyway wasnt him reaching out. Lana, Elaine Kay December 29, 2017 at 6:16 pm Reply. Its just getting worse and Im just getting tired of trying. This website was a lifeline to my grieving in a good way. The last thing he told me face to face was something about Neil Young, and the last thing he send me on facebook was a song by Neil Young. I had 2 friends hang themselves, the later I found and had 2 cut down. For some reason lately, I have been non stop crying over the death of my dad and everything he is missing out on. My only conclusion was that he was no longer himself when he did this. I feel your pain Michelle. Thank you for your kind words Leesa,sorry for your loss x, Christina February 12, 2019 at 10:31 pm Reply. I have all these questions that no one will answer. She wasnt born in the right place, and I know why she did it.. But a part of me refuses to believe that my exs suicide is not my fault. Cookie Notice On the back I had written how I knew he was going through a hard time right now, but that I believe he can make it through. She was amazing. Wear out your questions, anger, guilt or other feelings until you can let them go. My 24-year-old son took his life last month. I could of stop him I hate myself everyday for not believe him for not stopping him earlier before he even put a bullet. I also mourn the future that I will never have with him, especially since we were so close to our retirement that had so much promise to be filled with fun adventures. That day is both very fuzzy but yet very fresh in my brain. Im so sorry, Dee. I just keep thinking about what could have happened if I have of texted him that morning. Its his funeral soon, and I dont want to go. He died from a self-inflicted gunshot to the head just above his right ear. But, my friend told me what happened to her almost a year after she killed herself. Shana Chappell detailed her second . I needed him in my life but he left me and I dont know why. All that and more if I had been a good Momma to my beautiful little girl she would be here now.So why am I here? I faithfully took him to his therapy appointments, weekly, for over 12 years! texting me a message that asking from me to take care of his wife and his son (my sister and my nephew) he had a really bad conversation with his wife (my sister) she said that she will divorce him and this was the last time him to be better person to them (to my sister and my nephew) is this the real factor that make him to jump and decide to finish his life at the age of 46 years old?? If Id had done more then maybe hed still be here. No one has heard from him or can get in touch with him. My heart is in a million pieces. Question why it happened until you no longer need to know why or until you are satisfied with partial answers. Remember that you will get through . I am far from the wisest person in the world, but Im wise enough to know that not one of us is garunteed tomorrow. He and I both have dealt with back issues for years. When he came, that all changed. The only thing that holds me back is my husband. Love, Mom of Tom, Tonya December 7, 2018 at 3:35 pm Reply, My son harmed himself on Nov 17th, I came home from spending the night at my boyfriend house. I blamed her in some crazy way for many little things ,things she had no control over. She threatened suicide for years and none of us thought shed ever do it. I just hope that wherever he is, he is happy now, free from his sadness and anxiety. Our son took his life three and a half years ago; there was no obvious sign that he was deeply disturbed. You gotta find a reason to live for yourself. I miss every single thing about him. Dont give up on yourself, dear one. She was unable to have children. I had already been seeing a counselor and I have an appointment with her today and Im going to have to tell her what happened.. He was supposed to meet me and my parents for a movie and never showed up, we texted him that day and the next couple of days but he never answered. However, in this instance, they may find that many of their questions are either unanswerable or lead to distressing conclusions (whether or not these conclusions are true). In the past few days i found myself once again going through the small box of things i have left of my dad. I dont cry all day but i wish i could. She was just so beautiful inside and out that I couldnt imagine her dying when I was looking at her. She had attempted it 3 other times that I know of when we were together. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time and what he did in a f****d up state doesnt mean you werent a good sister. IsabelleS January 1, 2021 at 1:46 pm Reply. never truly seeking real help for this, my suffering is compounded daily by my long past of chumping my future-self, and have now dragged an amazing and kind woman down with me. For more information, please see our Tomorrow is his wake and im going and i dont really know what to do so i googled some stuff and found this website and decided to spill everything in this comment. He shot himself just after the text. He had one year of college left. I guess I went to this form to try and find somebody who may have had this happen or seen something similar to give tips on numbing the pain.