Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. 92. Funny Affirmations - Etsy Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. It doesnt work if it is not open. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. Why did the school kids eat their homework? You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . Keep your affirmations in the present. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. I never apologize. 9. 26. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 156. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. I am calm, patient and at peace. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes: Short Holiday Sayings - Parade 52. The rest are too expensive. 36. 87. It just plain forms. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . But even if this does happen, who cares? 112. I intend to live forever. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. When they go away, its a brighter day. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Funny Affirmation Quotes - ShortQuotes.cc How do trees access the internet? Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. happy. Sincerely, yourself. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. 110. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. Thank God Im an atheist. I am feeling wittier and more naturally funny. 27. Discover funny affirmations 's popular videos | TikTok 111. 206. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Positive mindset affirmations. 76. Why did the can crusher quit his job? 190. 66. Helen Giangregorio 277. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. I enjoy every minute of it. Not me, but somebody does. 69 Funny Affirmations To Lighten Up Your Mood Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Paul Ehrlich, 241. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. Its scary when it disappears. It was created to do amazing things. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. Erma Bombeck. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. 214. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. The thing is, I am still getting ready. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. I am intelligent. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 69. 8. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. No No NOYes. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? All rights reserved. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. 159. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. 9. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Envelope. 81. 110. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 153. Why did the can crusher quit his job? I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. 39. 230. 213. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. 186. 168. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 66. At night, I cant fall asleep. 31. We'll get to that later. Ive got three bones. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. Nobody gets out alive anyway. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. Stop trying to make everyone happy. I create my life on a quantum level. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 2. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 97. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. I enjoy every minute of it. 106. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. I dont care! 256. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. Bill Murray 130. Sometimes the M is silent. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. 72. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. How do astronomers organize a party? In between, I am alive., 7. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. 23. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember 118. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. Have a look! 170. Edward A. Murphy I am not letting an episode of my life ruin the entire show. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. 215. 231. Only two more days until Friday.". Ive made it from the bed to the couch. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. 4. I feed my spirit. Can February march? Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. 210. Flip Wilson I honor that time. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. 253. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. 258+ Funny & Happy Friday Quotes To Explode Your Energy No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Today, I am thankful for this week. Run. Chris Rock Robert Bloch Can February march? The Only 100 Positive Affirmations You Will Ever Need Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. It has nothing new to tell you. They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. Some when they enter, others when they leave. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. 175. - Irish Saying. Sincerely, the floor. He who laughs last didnt get it. "Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is!". Nothing, they just waved. Helen Giangregorio. In between, I am alive. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. 228. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! 114. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. What do you call a bear with no teeth? I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 22. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 171. 104. 133. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. 25. 88. Its called tomorrow. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Billy Wilder. 19 Positive Affirmations That'll Change the Way You Think Learn sign language, its very handy. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. I am strong and getting stronger every day. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. God has never abandoned me. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. Ann Landers, 244. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Life always offers you a second chance. "I receive what I believe.". Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. The only power you have is the word no. 177. 6. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. 4. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. 73. What is the tallest building in the entire world? Frances McDormand Today I will embrace the poop., 7. 82. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. 270. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. 203. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. Words have the power to make or break us. 260. 48. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . 9. "Your mistakes don't define you.". When nothing is going right, go left. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. 249. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 102. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. 1. 70. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. 56. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. 244. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. I draw from my inner strength and light. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. Why is England the wettest country? Your values become your destiny. 120 Funny/sarcastic affirmations ideas - Pinterest 121. 2. No matter what I look like. Laughter brings me closer to people. 39 Funny Positive Affirmations [Feel Happier Instantly] I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. Look, youre smiling! 265. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. Groucho Marx. Short Funny Affirmations. 221. George Burns, 253. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. 64. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. Any text will do. We need to hear a pin drop. 108. Funny Affirmations. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. - Billie Burke. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 155. 4. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. East "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". I choose to stop obsessing about my body. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. When nothing is going right, go left. - F. 222. 10. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Steve Martin, 254. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. 38. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. 1. 2. Dave Barry Making everyone angry, piece of cake. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? 212. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Sam Levenson. Your email address will not be published. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. 3. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. Franklin Jones My body deserves love. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. 60. They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. I wish my wallet came with free refills. Be careful when you follow the masses. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. Sincerely, yourself. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. Emphasis on the cool. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. 226. 4. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". 65 Funny Positive Affirmations That Work For Everyone - ThediaryforLife 180. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. Education cost money. Nothing, they just waved. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Bill Murray, 257. 134. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. - Roy T. Bennett. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. 49. 4. 110 Funny Work Quotes To Jazz Up Your Workplace - Vantage Circle If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. Life always offers you a second chance. 213. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. 25. 71. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. The thing is, Im still getting ready. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. East. Raimonda.B. He who laughs last didnt get it. Rodney Dangerfield. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! I love my job only when Im on vacation. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. 184. 267. I dont think thats a coincidence. A backbone. Breasts dont have eyes. 113. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. 275. What is Mozart doing right now? "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. 194. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. You cant have everything, where would you put it? Swimming trunks. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. 117. Robert A. Heinlein If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. 24. With time, I have started to value more time. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. Make it inspiring. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. "We . Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. I see food, and I eat it. 27. 21. Is it perfect? 18 Funny Positive Affirmations to Get Through Your Shitty Day How do trees access the internet? Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Theres no stopping me now. Love your enemies. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. In the morning, I cant get up. Because it was soda pressing. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. 26. 40. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. Wilson Mizner, 262. 81. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. "Today will be a great day". Why become moody when you can shake your booty. - Unknown. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. 188. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. I breathe in and out. In the morning, I cant get up. Bill Murray, 258. 1,132 Positive Affirmations: Your Daily List of - Develop Good Habits It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. 80. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. 41 Positive Affirmations & Positive Quotes To Treasure 200. Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Microchips. Alright, get in the basket.. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. Because he was always spotted. The rest are too expensive. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. I just go normal from time to time. 233. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 167. 75. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Im like a postage stamp. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. - Benjamin Franklin. I am my childs greatest comfort. Its okay if people dont like me. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. My jokes do. 300+ Short Positive Quotes to Brighten Your Day - PsyCat Games Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. They planet. 52. You cant have everything, where would you put it? 196. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? Ensure that your actions match your words. 100 Funny Monday Quotes and Sayings - Inside Of Happiness Hes dreaming too. 274. The world is missing some pizzazz. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. 271. 19. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Just like every Monday does on Earth. 12. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. My mood swings keep life interesting. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. 1. 142. 125. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 115. 192. 109. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. 176. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too.