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I give the ball some sweet talk. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? Drops him off at the golf course! He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. If you drink, dont drive. Your email address will not be published. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. He was puttering around. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. You swing left and the ball goes right. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? Dirty Golf - pinterest.com Another Ball in the Trees. Please add a link to this site. 157 Good Golf Quotes For You To Tee Up and Swing Away And it matters how we go about attaining them. We share them in our weekly newsletter. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. Do you know why the game is called golf? When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. You okay with that? William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Best Funny Golf Memes and Pictures in 2023 - MemesBams Wodehouse 1. 49 Dirty Quotes and Sayings You Must Pay Attention Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! My three keys to success: One, work hard. He couldnt stop puttzing around! "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. You need to adjust your grip. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. All of them. I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? Achieve more with each and every round you play. If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. Does a bear crap in the woods? Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. 50 Greatest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report 3. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." All through the night they made wild love together. You look like someone who likes to swing. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. Fore! Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. Have fun. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. Sunday Service. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Toggle Navigation Menu . Find the ball. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Because he walked into the wrong club! Please add a link to this article. Its almost a law. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Nay! 3. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. 1. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. They have a hard drive. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. When your golf cart capsizes. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. The 19th hole. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. 67 GOLF INSTAGRAM CAPTIONS Funny 2021 List for Golf Lover! Nuts! Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. My drives aren't always long and straight. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? Mini Golf Captions. Your email address will not be published. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Do you share these funny golf jokes? How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? He attacks it. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. Is everything okay?. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! 9. Why dont skeletons play golf? We have a threesome, care to join us? Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." 8. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." Because it would interrupt their tea time. 20 Of The Best Golf Quotes Ever - Golf Monthly Magazine Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. There are no absolutes in golf. Big pupils lead to big scores. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. Golf is like doing your taxes. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. In case he got a hole in one! USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. Your email address will not be published. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. I've got some good news. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". 21+ Best Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns 75 Hilarious Golf Puns and One-Liners That Don't Suck How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. Jack Benny. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. . I like to go low. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. He said. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. Hit the ball. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. -Lee Trevino Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Golf is a lot like life. Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! 4. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. Dirt your body. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Fore-get Me Nots. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Phyllis Diller, with her outrageous teased hair and housewife caricature stage persona, was a master of delivery and comedic timing. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. A great shot is when you pull it off. Choose Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. Top 10+ Funny Dirty Golf Pictures I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. ~ George Bernard Shaw. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. QuotesGram Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? putt." Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. In case he gets a hole in one. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? Correct one fault at a time. 8. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. 7. Whos there? now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! It can be difficult. They expect to succeed! Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. Hilarious Golf Jokes That Will Have You Laughing on the Course | RD.ca Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. Two, be your own person. 150 Hilarious Golf Jokes And Puns 'Fore' Everyone 8. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. Learn More. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. Whats the difference between golf and sex? So what are you waiting for? It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember I stepped on a rake. 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. happen again! Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Such is the game. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. Id cry too if I played golf like you. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. Just 130+ Golf Jokes So Funny They're A Hole In One - Scary Mommy It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. Tiagra. I Am Shuvo Saha. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. 3. How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? Hi there! Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Sawdust City LLC. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. 100 Great Golf Quotes All Keen Golfers Need To Read | Kidadl Noah who? And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. The 32 Dirty Quotes of all Time - quotesforbros.com Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Lift your head and spread your legs. Go to the golf course. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. Are you a water hazard? Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? You shot an eight. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. I'm Tiger Woods. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. Please sign up with your best email address. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? You hit down to make the ball go up. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. Lee Trevino. At the golf corpse! "I'm the best. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. I stepped on a rake.". Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. Bye Bye Birdie. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. Thats incredible. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. Damn, my shaft's all bent. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. After 18 holes I can barely walk. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. Why not! 80+ Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings - CoolNSmart Golf Quotes (131 quotes) - Goodreads Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. Your email address will not be published. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! 3. Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. -Bob Hope Just in case they get a slice! Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. How do you know you should be a golfer? Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. - Bobby Jones Henny Youngman, Go play golf. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. Whos there? Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. Whos there? If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? On a golf course, nature is neutered. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Golf Quotes About Life 22. 21. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." Why do golfers hate cake? What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? Knock, knock Why are golf and sex so similar? I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. 2. Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter!