why do serial cheaters want to stay married

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. Please believe what Giz and Sarah P had to tell you about the MM. Well since I work with him in the same office at our business there is no room for any kind of office romanceexcept with me of course!! A meeting that led to kiss that led on eventually to two affairs probably wouldnt have happened if Id been married. History goes along way for a wife, and a husband, we wives know everything there is to know about our husbands, and they know all there is to know about us. I never much liked dating as such. Someone who knows who you are and likes who you are. And Let It Be is a great British song which is always in my head now :-). my AP was my first boyfriend, my first lover, I truly thought he was my soulmate, one true love for YEARS. This person sounds dangerous. What this man thinks of you is or should be is completely irrelevant. "Serial cheaters are often unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others,"says Alsaleem. You are right that she does not want my friendship, but wants my life. He doesnt want to lose half of his money through a messy divorce. When my friend tried to leave for good, he turned up the heat and was quasi-stalking her. One thing my h always said, even through throughout his ea, I was the only person he can trust, he does not trust anyone else. Well, if any of you have advice on what me or my husband could do to get her to go away, let me know. "They're very vague when it comes to telling you about their life . He still wont marry her and since he wont marry her, she uses this story as alleged proof of further insult to her right as a woman to be treated like Queen. Another possibility is that they never felt bad about cheating to begin with, so they didnt need adaptation to occur, they were comfortable with it from the get-go.. Relationship counselor and clinical sexologist Dr. Martha Tara Lee of Eros Coaching said cheating is subjective because different people have different boundaries. I puzzled on that a long time too. Nothing special just a normal business contact. And in some cases, their family may even be threatened if they got a divorce, so they stay married to avoid that. I learned this hard lesson years ago when I lost my fiance to his affair partner prior to the wedding. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. Nice people. Your ex-AP is an irrelevant human being in terms of your life and you need to put #1 first. I will say your H needs to totally ignore her. Changes in work responsibilities. They only thing I would add is, take the bitch back to the parking lot and beat the crap out of her!!! 6 Signs He Will Cheat Again (Serial Cheater Personality Traits) They found him and he found them. Through some time I found out he was divorced and his ex and children lived several hundred miles away. Now all of us here have decided for one reason or another to continue to leave our wagons hooked to people who obviously have deep character flaws. Truthfully sadly I STILL dont see him in a bad light . One-time cheaters are less likely to view cheating as a way to get an adrenaline rush. There are no repercussions for his actions, 12. Top 12 True Signs He Will Cheat In The Future. Neither he or I knew how incredibly wise and accurate that statement was. Anyhow thank you for your valuable insight. What it boils down to is opportunity, lack of personal moral code, and a great talent for lies, manipulation and entitlement. Do not friend this woman but do let her know youre on to her. Many of them depend on their serial cheating partners financially. "I Can't Afford to Take Care of Myself". So yeah my intuition is on overdrive. They could stay . Dr. Edelman ultimately defines serial cheating as "a continuous pattern of seeking out sexual relationships with people other than you partner, without your partner being OK with it." Went to school with two of his sisters, they were ok. And then you have him. I know the majority of cheaters are men out there and the % of cheating women are a lot smaller but nonetheless, my wife falls into that % and I have never cheated on her. I dated a serial cheater: three women share their horror stories You might cheat because you feel your partner doesnt satisfy your needs or vice versa. She was 19 and carrying my child. Not wishing to stir but I do wonder how many BSs on this site are being hoodwinked into believing that this was their hs first crime, when actually there were more that were never disclosed? If it walks like a jerk and talks like a jerk, ITS A JERK! Thank you, Trying. Thanks again for being so honest and thorough about how the affair process worked. He would get off the phone with me, then be straight on the phone with her. Your story is such a testament to the devastation that affairs cause for all the innocent bystanders who did nothing wrong. Like they say here in the US, Money talks and bullshit walks! You know what sucks more than being cheated on? That doesnt mean I dont like them, Ive just moved on I guess. I just have NO tolerance for those that continue to run roughshod through their own lives, wreaking havoc on others with no impunity is when I get all judgmental. I have an unmarried friend who recently got caught in a dynamic like this. 20 Reasons Why A Cheating Person Shows No Remorse "People who say a cheater can't change have never felt the awful guilt that comes when you realize you've . Until she finally needed that sucker to hold her hand, as she had finally decided to walk away from her h, and go for a divorce, unfortunately she decided to target my h, after I had told her that he had helped out several cousins, that that was the only reason they called him, and nagged him when they needed something from him. But not only are a cheater's secrets not fun, they're rarely shared with anyone. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. He also may be afraid of losing custody or that his children will feel angry with him when they find out the truth. However, an affair can just be an affair if both partners are committed to restoring faith and honesty. In Quiet, Susan Cain argues that we dramatically undervalue introverts and shows how much we lose in doing so.. Do dogs get worse before they get better with parvo? How and why did it end and who ended it? So good, in fact, that LeslieBeth Wish, a noted psychotherapist, author, and founder of Love Victory said cheaters will sometimes lay the groundwork for future lies ahead of time in order to cover their tracks later on in the relationship. I also keep A LOT close to my chest. He was smiling and making small talk and invading my personal space. You are investing too much of your self worth in his opinion and what he said or did. I smelled that shit show and closed the curtain on her! They are unhappy in the marriage because of X,Y, z, whatever the made up excuse is to justify doing something they know is wrong. We hugged a lot (he hugged everyone so must always have smelled of perfume) (sign). You tell yourself that all that was just an illusion because your partner was also capable of such lying and deception. She will misread and interpret everything to suit her. Having obsessive thoughts centered on what your partner has done or is currently doing. My Meyers Briggs classifies me as an INFJ. Cheating can ruin a sweet relationship into a disaster in a second. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. It takes two to tango and she admits she has forced this guy to buy a house with her with both names on the title. How did the affair evolve and what were some of the clues the wife could have seen? I would have been livid. Ill bet she has a thousand more questions Thani and why because she never really knew him and well he lied to her just as much if not more than he lied to me. So fast track to now, today we are celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary!!!!!! And f its tingly, you keep going back for more. If you were the type of ow I had to deal with, I would have thought myself lucky. Respect is everything in all relationships, and if your partner has cheated on you then they obviously do not respect you at all because if they did, they wouldn't ever have cheated in the first place. Along with their wives and children, cheating husbands also risk losing money and their social network. I am at a loss. I learned much later that he took that to mean that I accepted the blame for the whole affair.! So many of his co-workers have said things like: he adores you and makes it known and whats the secret of your happy marriage?) On the other hand, there have been several occasions in the past where any non-stable women in his work environment mis-read his personality. And by the way, I do not blame his other girlfriend for doing those things because I got to experience through my friend the level of mind-f****ing this guy used in order to keep his victims close at hand. Each and every one of the men I've met who fall into this category realize that if their wife discovered their infidelity that she would be very . May you have many more years together, growing together, and may your husband continue to recognize and show gratitude for the jewel that he has had all along. Grab Now! I guess these guys cheat to prove they can, especially since they are sorry lovers a lot of the time. You thought you knew my h, but that was another one of your mistakes, you tried to change him to suit what you wanted, you thought he would think like you. I think theyre nervous giggles after being spoken to by TH. For a pig to win a non-pig provides the pig with a sense of power. looking back, I think I was probably just a cute girl with a nice body who was an easy lay. 7.3K Followers. When they say I do to their future bride or groom, they already have their sights and intention set to cheat, which is how they live. TryingHard, I actually told my h that we should celebrate it as our 21st, because the last two years were a nightmare and just didnt seem to be like we were really married, lol because of his ea, and it felt like we lost two years of our life. as well as other partner offers and accept our. According to a 2010 to 2017 General Social Survey issued by the Institute for Family Studies, 20% of men and 13% of women have had sex with someone who was not their spouse while married. So what should you do if your cheating husband wants to stay married to you? Even so, he keeps on cheating again and again because of two reasons - they can't live without it and they know they can get away with it. But if her dad cant fix his mess, I cant help. And Im not going to do that! So one of the facts is theyll go anywhere to find a hookup. It's paramount to build trust back up again. Trust me, these women know what theyre doing. However, someone who only cheated once and came clean to you is more likely to remain faithful going forward than someone with a long pattern of infidelity. He said, ohh he spoke to her terribly. I dont hsve really close friends and am mostly interested in whoever is around me at the time. I think all this talking is shaking me up so I may just observe for a while. He has a lot of natural compassion for people, no matter who they are. The rest of the details that you provide indicate the typical predator/prey dynamic that narcissists thrive on. Some times I do and some times I dont. I heard his fake laugh and I swear my hair caught fire. If you do remain with the serial cheater, here are some points to think about. I am an introvert, not really concerned with appearances, grew up with many positive marriage role models, dislike talking on the phone or texting, emailing a lot. I would not have guessed that and have not found it in prior literature. One-time cheaters, if they're truly remorseful, will own up to their mistakes. Maybe you could ask if being married makes a difference. That is the last two years of nightmare marital bliss. Just found some interesting information in a study done by the University of Guelph. He doesnt spend much time at his place of work like he used to, he always tries to be out, or closes and locks the doors there so no one knows he is there, just in case she shows up at his door. A serial cheater is a person who intends to cheat even on their Wedding day. I think we both have learned from this, it was difficult, still is, but I am hoping he has learned more from what he almost lost because of the ea, so it never happens again. Different Opinions Discussed, 6 Signs He Will Cheat Again and 5 that Show Hes Changed, How to Apologize for Cheating on Your Loved One? She knew my H had cheated and she was just setting herself up to be the next one. We had a huge heated discussion and I very firmly pointed out how his demeanor sends the wrong message to females. For most I believe they have something lacking in their own character and it makes then easy prey for an affair. Why does an iron rod become a magnet when current is passed through a coil of wire wrapped around the rod? Your right, while we were celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary, it would have drove her nuts, being on the other side of the phone, wondering what he was doing while with me. Very cold, no consciouse that I ever saw. I will never understand it, but I do realize such people exist and we have to keep one eye open at all times rather than lulling ourselves into a sense of false security. Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch How Do Cheating Husbands Treat Do you think youll ever be able to forgive and trust him? Trying hard, my first husband was an alcoholic, and you are right about the backsliding. Receive weekly tips & tricks to improve your love life. Then, be receptive to the injured party's . My h did send his whore a birthday card and trinket along with a card with comment s that will make you blush after he told me he wanted to be married to me. Now books like Quiet are coming out and I have noticed that companies are starting to specifically look for qualities that are most commonly found in introverts. He did not have positive role models and he does not know how to do things differently. Cheaters tend to take stock in the reverse. It blows my mind. 1) would have been to be seen. I could never be involved with an addict or alcoholic again. Even after confrontation they want to stay in marriage and make marriage work Wow, Jeddy, Yes, I am glad that I asked because your answer provides insight on many levels. Of course hes going to tell you that this one was emotional the others were just purely physical and guess what hes telling his wife the same thing about you. while married. Turns out "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true. There are millions of men out there just waiting for people like you. Their past behavior is a good indication of future behavior. It is even more heartless that she was attempting to make an innocent woman and her children homeless just so she could conveniently have someone else pay for her kids and bills. So why do people keep cheating? Im not an expert but thats not a good sign, still feeling sympathy toward affair partner. The good news is, the place where he works has shifts and different employees are rotated through different shifts constantly. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. Next I would print out any emails, log any and all conversations and events that you feel are over the line. I am not shy but he made me blush and nervous and heaped a lot of praise and attention on me. I can smell that shit a mile away. Like she needs to be rescued. Victims of cheating narcissists tirelessly look for concrete proof, but you could try for years without catching a slip-up. Here are some quotes from an article I found on Science Daily: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/07/110725123411.htm, -People with sexual performance anxiety are more likely to cheat on their partners., -Men who are risk-takers or easily sexually aroused are also more likely to wander., For both men and women, personality characteristics and interpersonal factors are more relevant predictors than are religion, marital status, education or gender. Maybe they just had the opportunity and decided to go for it. She had arranged it, and had placed them down as h and w, but using her first name and our surname.